Over the course of my professional career, I have explored a number of theoretical frameworks: Existential, Gestalt, Psychoanalytic Psychodynamic, Systems, Object Relations, MindBody and Crucible. Fundamentally, I remain an existential therapist.
Psychotherapist and writer Scott Peck, PhD wrote:
“Life is difficult because it is a series of problems, and the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one. Problems, depending on their nature, evoke in us many uncomfortable feelings: frustration, grief, sadness, loneliness, guilt, regret, anger, fear, anxiety, anguish or despair. These feelings are often as painful as any kind of physical suffering. Indeed, it is because of the pain that events or conflicts engender in us that we call them problems. Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life finds its meaning. Problems call forth our courage and wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguish between success and failure. It is only because of problems ( struggles, challenges) that we grow mentally and spiritually.
The alternative – not to meet the demands of life on life’s terms – means we will end up losing more often than not. Most people attempt to skirt problems rather than meet them head-on. We attempt to get out of them rather than suffer through them. Indeed, the tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all psychological illness. And since most of us have this tendency to a greater or lesser degree, most of us lack complete mental health. Those who are most healthy learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems. Although triumph isn’t guaranteed each time we face a problem in life, those who are wise are aware that it is only through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn and grow.”
Scott Peck, “Smart Seflishness vs Stupid Selfishness” in Marriage of Sex & Spirit
Some people assume too much responsibility and others assume too little responsibility for their lives. Those that see themselves as responsible for the problems around them can become stuck in endless cycles of self-recrimination rather than do something different. Those who assume too little responsibility for their lives tend to fault others around them or often claim there were mitigating issues beyond their control. In therapy, I find that the main predictor for an improved outcome for clients is their capacity to self-confront.1
I obviously think people can change, why else would I become a clinician? During the course of my career, I have been delighted and surprised by individuals and couples who have truly transformed themselves beyond what they or their therapist thought possible for them. And to these people, I am indebted for challenging and expanding my view of potential. At the same time, I’ve worked with people who are talented, bright and self-aware who’ve moved minimally or not at all. At this point, I no longer make predictions on outcome of therapy. I focus on providing the best service I can, the rest is up to my clients.